


Rebecca Chooses Responsibility

by ohmarqueliot



Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post 3x13, i'm so proud of our girl so here's some feelings, reaction fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-20 07:05:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13712463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmarqueliot/pseuds/ohmarqueliot
Summary: Post 3x13. Rebecca talks through her decision with Nathaniel.





	Rebecca Chooses Responsibility

"I'm sorry," she said as soon as the door closed behind them. They'd tried to take her back to her holding cell straight away but she'd begged a moment with her lawyer beforehand. Nathaniel had been practically silent since she'd announced her plea, giving the judge only perfunctory responses and giving her nothing but a carefully neutral face.

  
The walls of the interrogation room were becoming all too familiar but Rebecca didn't see them today. She felt calm and in control for the first time in weeks, months even - or, if she were truly honest, years. She was, for the first time in as long as she could remember, taking responsibility for all of her actions. Not just for the things she could explain away, not just for the things that didn't matter. _Everything_.

  
She hadn't intended anything malicious when she'd pushed Trent, and she would argue that point in a fair trial. But she _had_ pushed him, and she would deal with those consequences. And if that gave her an opportunity to atone for all of the other things that she'd done, then she'd take that and give it everything she had.

  
Seeing Paula in the courtroom had changed everything for her. Or, not changed everything, but brought it into perspective. She'd wanted to take responsibility for her actions, had been trying to since she'd revealed all of her final secrets to the people she'd hurt the most, but she'd still been prepared to do whatever she’d had to do to survive until Paula had walked into the courtroom. Despite what she'd done, despite all of the lies, Paula had still shown up for her, and she'd known in that moment that she couldn't keep living like this anymore, no matter what it cost her.

  
She couldn't take back all of the things she'd done, but she could, from this moment, start to be the kind of person that was worthy of Paula's - and her own - respect.

  
But, like usual, it wasn't that easy. Turning around, she faced Nathaniel with a heavy heart, unsurprised to see that closed expression, his face not giving away a thing. "Nathaniel," she said, reaching out for him, and she breathed a sigh of relief when he took her hand, gripping it tightly in his while his other arm wrapped around her shoulders.

  
"It's okay," he said into her ear, squeezing her hand tightly, and it was then, in the safety of his arms, that her new reality started to hit her. _I'm going to prison. Actually, genuinely, probably going to prison._

  
"I know we had a plan," she said, her voice muffled against his suit jacket. "I know you were going to get me out of this, but I couldn't... I couldn't..." She couldn't find the words, couldn't find any air, and Nathaniel pulled back from her, his facade finally broken as he helped her across the room and into the closest chair. He knelt in front of her as she sat down, his face almost level with hers, and she was confronted by the unmasked sight of his worry, concern, and... disappointment.

  
That last one was buried quickly as Nathaniel's hand cupped her cheek, his fingers pushing her hair back from her face. "I know," he said gently, and she closed her eyes, leaning into his touch, well aware that these moments would be few and far between for the foreseeable future. _Oh god, what have I done?_

  
"I'm sorry," she said again, taking his other hand and squeezing it tightly in hers. "I know it would have worked. At worst I would have got a short stint in an institution and then I would have been free to start a life with you. You could have saved me." She smiled at him sadly, her heart breaking just a little when he returned it with all of the hope that was slipping through their fingers. "But I've got to save myself, and from more than prison. I've got to save myself from myself. I have to face this."

  
Closing his eyes, Nathaniel took a long, deep breath through his nose, tilting his head forward to press his forehead against hers. "I just wanted to get you out of here," he said heavily.

  
And oh, how she wanted that. But even more, "I just need to be able to live with myself."

  
He pulled back, squeezing his eyes shut, and she was one hundred percent sure that he was about to walk out on her when he pulled her close again, pressing his lips to the side of her head, and she let out her breath all at once. "You have no idea how much I wanted to do whatever I could to get out of here and run away with you," she admitted with a nervous laugh.

  
His answering laugh was as strained as hers. "I thought when I got access to the private jet that it would easy to run away with whatever woman I wanted but damn, Rebecca, you're making this hard for me."

  
Leaning back far enough to see his face, she took his other hand and brought them together between them, relieved to see at least a smidge of desperate humour in his eyes. "But you're still here," she said hopefully, and to her relief his lip quirked up in a crooked smile.

  
"I'm still here," he agreed. "Whatever happens, I'll still be here. I love you."

  
"Even if I go to prison?" she said, mostly joking but also there was this constant undercurrent of fear that she wasn't quite able to let go of yet.

  
"Even if you go to prison," he said solemnly, and her face broke into a watery smile at the complete and utter truth in his words.

  
"Nathaniel, I love you," she said, leaning forward and kissing him. His soft lips pressed firmly against hers, one hand cupping her head, the other tightening on hers.

  
She felt warm and loved... and scared and nervous and uncertain. Pulling back, she looked at him intently. "You'll still help me through this, right?"

  
"Of course," he said quickly, then smiled at her hesitantly. "I mean, you know we don't do a lot of criminal law, but between the two of us -"

  
"We can do this," she finished for him, smiling faintly despite herself as she thought back to the masquerade party.

  
Nathaniel pulled his chin down, looking at her levelly, and if she was almost sure that she saw pride in his eyes. "We can do anything," he corrected, and she felt hopeful for the first time, not just for her freedom, not just for her future, but for herself.


End file.
